What in the Hell Happened at SuperBowl XLIX?

(Originally Published Tuesday, February 3, 2015)
So the SuperBowl didn’t quite turn out the way I was hoping. We were so. Damn. Close. A few of my buddies would’ve won some pretty decent cash money if only Seattle had scored that last touchdown. Alas, my dreams of seeing the Patriots suffer did not come to fruition.

The first quarter ended with no score. Seattle had a paltry 13 yards and New England clocked in at 75 yards. Brady threw a TD pass to LaFell to bring the score to 7-0. At this point, Seahawks’ QB, Russell Wilson had yet to complete a pass. Yes, it’s in the middle of the second quarter and he still didn’t have a completion. That’s a real SuperBowl-caliber quarterback right there. He didn’t hit a guy until there was 5:36 left in the half! Just pathetic. Luckily, Beast Mode Marshawn Lynch ran in for a Touchdown to tie the game at 7-7. With 31 seconds left in the half, Gronkowski caught a 22-yard pass from Brady. On that play, Brady tied Joe Montana for most TD passes thrown in the SuperBowl with 11. Aaaaaaand then Wilson threw a Touchdown with 2 seconds left in the half to tie it all back up after a face mask call moved them into the red zone.

The second half rolls around and the Seahawks decide they actually want to win. Hauschka, the kicker, put a Field Goal on the board to make the game 17-14. Chris Matthews–who made his first career catch in the first half–caught a huge 45-yarder. Lynch, like he does, ran the rest of the way in 4 carries. Once they were up, they had some pretty sweet plays. Brady, the demi-god, threw an interception. Oh my! The horror! Wagner had the pick, but on the return Sherman had a penalty, which put Seattle at midfield. Wilson spotted Baldwin in the endzone and lobbed a 3-yard pass to make the game 24-14 at the end of the third. Pats finally kept possession of the ball and Brady hit Amendola to make the game 21-24. The Patriots then forced a 3 and out on the next set of downs for Seattle. Edelman caught Brady’s next TD pass to overtake the lead with 28 points with 2:06 left in the game.

Now here’s where the game gets insane. Seattle has the ball and is trying to march down the field. Wilson tosses up a huge Hail Mary to Kearse. The ball was somewhat blocked by the Pats defense, but the ball bounced off of Kearse’s legs while he was on his back and made the most amazing grab I’ve seen. The Seahawks had the ball on the New England 10! It was shaping up to be a Seattle Touchdown for the win. Lynch ran the ball to the 1 with 20 seconds left on the clock. Then Pete Carroll–Seattle’s head coach–made pretty much the worst decision possible. Instead of giving it to the player who’s nickname is “BEAST MODE”–he has the damn nickname for a reason–he decided to have Wilson  pass on a well-known route. It was so readable I actually laughed out loud. Just like you’d expect, New England’s Butler intercepted the ball on the 1. But because it was on the 1, Seattle had the chance to force a safety and get an onside kick. Then poor ol’ Michael Bennett got a little antsy and was called for an encroachment penalty. And just like that it was over. Seattle’s chances to win back-to-back SuperBowls were gone. The next play, there were shall we say, some unhappy players and punches were flying. A huge brawl broke out and a few players were ejected. Pats kneed the ball and it was game over. The Patriots won and I wanted to throw up with disdain. As the saying goes, “Cheaters always win”.


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