The Most Indecisive Fans in the Land

(Originally Published Sunday, January 18, 2015)
At this point it’s pretty obvious that I have a love for both Ohio State and the state of Ohio itself. There is, however, one problem: Cleveland fans. There are 2 parts to the story. We have Browns fans and Cavs fans.

As an OSU graduate, I’ve seen my fair share of of Cleveland fans. There is one thing that’s very clear about Cleveland–the fans exude loyalty. Don’t get me wrong, being loyal to your city is one of the things that I like most about people. I will defend Chicago until I die, but there is a line that I draw. If you ever say anything about the poor ol’ Brownies, fans will puff up their chest and  fight for their team. I’m all for it! I really, truly am. I draw the line at actually know the team. Know the players. For god’s sake, KNOW THE QUARTERBACK!! If you can’t tell me that Manziel or Hoyer are the quarterbacks, you’ve lost all credibility. Seriously! You can’t call yourself a fan unless you actually know the team.
I’m a Chicago fan, but I will fully admit that I’m a fair-weather Blackhawks fan. Can I name players and stats? Absolutely! But I don’t seek out games unless someone asks me to watch one. If someone makes fun of the Hawks, sure I’ll take a stand and have a lively discussion, but I’m not going to be a dick about it. Cleveland fans can be total asses when you even jokingly rag on their teams. I met countless girls who didn’t know the difference between a field goal and a touchdown who will practically scream at you if you’re ripping on the Browns. It’s the most insane thing I’ve ever seen. Be a fan…but be an actual fan.
I’m pretty sure everyone who knows a lick about sports remembers the whole LeBron leaving the Cavs debacle. He gave 5 years of his life to the team he loved. He was a true Ohio boy! Just like any other person with a competitive bone in his or her body, LeBron wanted a championship ring. Grant, the GM, pulled a major dick move and basically said that LeBron didn’t believe in the Cavaliers organization. So with that he jetted down to Miami to go on to win 2 championship rings.
When LeBron left Cavs, fans went completely off the reservation. People burned LeBron’s jersey. His name practically became a curse word. Fans would literally watch Miami games to watch him lose. The deep hatred was beyond palpable if you even hinted at his name. Naturally, he became known as LeBitch, LeDouche, LeFuck, LeWhateverMeanNamePeopleCouldComeUpWith.
Fast forward to 2014 when he opts out of his contract with the Heat and becomes a free agent on July 1. To everyone’s shock, just 10 days later, he announced that he intended on signing back on with the Cavs. What in the what?! After his messy departure, it seemed pretty clear that he would never return to Cleveland as a player. He ended up with a sweet contract with the option to become a free agent after the 2014/2015 season.
Where did that leave Cavs fans? Rejoicing and practically kissing the feet of their Basketball God. Just 4 years previously, burned jerseys littered the streets and now they were welcoming LeBitch with open arms? No way. No effing way. I understand passion and love for your team, but have a smidgen of self-respect. Jesus God. You can’t go from hating someone’s innards down to the last nucleotide of his DNA to thrusting him into the position of a full on godsend.
I get it. You haven’t won a championship since 1964. You’re terrible at sports and you know it. The whole country knows it, but have some pride in your individual selves! Don’t be that douchebag that stands up for something you don’t know an iota about! That’s like going to a symposium on the philosophical discussion of Kepler’s Law of Planetary Motion, taking over the keynote speaker’s position and stating that the theory is incorrect because all planets revolves around the earth. You just look like a dumbass and lose all credibility. Don’t be THAT guy. Don’t be that Cleveland fan.

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