SuperBowl XLIX: Who do You Hate Less?

(Originally Published Friday, January 30, 2015)
The SuperBowl is once again upon us. This year the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots will vie for the enviable title of champions. Seattle, as you know, is the reigning champions, beating out Denver for last year’s win. I’m going to put a disclaimer on this post. I fucking hate both teams. If they could both lose, I would love that, but since they can’t I will be choosing the team that I hate a fraction of a hair less than the other.

The Patriots are coming into this game with a 12-4 record. Everyone was hating on them at the beginning of the season because they went 2 for 4. Great start to the season! Not. I’ve never been a fan of the Gaytriots…ahem Patriots….for a few reasons. Bill Belichick is garbage. The man has more cheating scandals that Bill Clinton…it must be something to do with the name Bill. Anyway, he’s a sleezeball and I’m pretty sure he’s worn the same sweatshirt since 1992. On top of that, Tom Brady is a douchebag. There’s really no other way to put it. I can forgive him for going to Michigan, but have some class, bud. Plus, he tried to pull some crap this past game against the Colts with “Deflate-gate”. “The balls! Don’t let anyone touch my balls! They’re my balls!” Alright, Brady, we get that you’re gay AND a cheater, but you don’t need to come out and announce it. On top of this, veteran quarterbacks like Troy Aikman have called Brady out for not noticing a 2 PSI difference–12.5% of the air in the ball. Deflated balls are easier to grip, which allows for a better spiral. Needless to say, the Patriots once again are trying to cheat their way to a win. Way to suck.

The Seahawks are one of those teams that I really just dislike. Similar to the Pats, the Seahawks have a coach with a well-known record for cheating. Pete Carroll may be a fantastic coach, I’m not denying this, but he’s a dirty man.  He knows how to pick some real winners, too. There are a few douche bag players who play for Seattle, as well. Richard Sherman is just a dick. There’s really no other way to put it. He’s a cocky, conceited a hole. He’s not the only player with this attitude either. In fact, both the players AND fans are just the worst. People literally never cared about the Seahawks until they started winning last year and then all of a sudden they were proclaiming that they’d always been fans. I had multiple people who I’ve been friends with for years tell me that they’d been born fans. How about no. If you’re a football fan and my friend, I’ve definitely had extensive talks about the game. If you’ve never mentioned being a fan, then I don’t buy your story. It’s not just my friends, though, it’s fans across the country. Congrats on finally having a good team! I’m happy for you! But for the love of god, please don’t be fake. Stand by your team through everything. Don’t jump on the bandwagon!

It’s pretty obvious that I’m not a fan of either team. If it was possible for both teams to lose, I would be 100000000% for it. But that defies both the laws of mathematics and football, so therefore go Seahawks….grudgingly….


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